Trying to define Purpose
When I went into my Quiet Time, the leading question for me was this: If I have enough money to do everything I want, and I don’t have to do anything I don’t want, what do I do?
After more than 4 years of working for Twitch, it was time for me to find out who I really was. I proved to myself in my early twenties that I’m competent, I can work, I can even do it well. That’s really nice to know. While proving that to myself, I often felt friction and tension. I noticed that I’m not cut out for some work. And that I’m not cut out to be in an office at all times. That my surroundings (city, flat, roommates) aren’t good for me. And that I need change to find out what is good for me.
Maybe that is a good beginning of a definition for “Purpose”. If we want to know question 1, “What is my purpose?”, maybe we want to ask question 2, “What do I want?”. And maybe from there, we ask question 3, “What is good for me?”.
A life’s purpose is, of course, highly individual. Some people want to serve their family, some people want to serve God, some people want to be rich and famous.
And even as I write this down, I’m thinking, I don’t think being rich and famous counts as a purpose. Because the question “for what?” appears boldly in my mind. You want to be rich… for what? Well, if you are money-rich, you can live well and afford what you want. Ok, so here we have question 2. We also know that many people suffer from fame — it doesn’t seem like it’s good for them. So here is question 3.
So maybe purpose isn’t that individual after all if it boils down to the same questions over and over. Let me make an attempt of making purpose a more generalized term. It seems to me that a person’s purpose is to live a Good Life. Good means, it’s good for them. (It also means it doesn’t hurt anyone else. I presuppose that with the notion that hurting others always hurts yourself. Hurting yourself is not good for you.)
Living out your purpose then really means serving yourself. Serving, in this case, means, you identify your own needs, and find amicable solutions to fulfill your needs.
As you go through the process of identifying and fulfilling your needs, you will notice that some of your needs come from deficits you might have picked up as a child. That means they are closely connected to pain. Fulfilling these needs will bring you closer to the solutions you need to dissolve the pain.
Reducing pain could be described as healing. Moving closer to your purpose seems to require healing. Healing also seems to mean that you shed parts of yourself that you no longer need. Your protective structures for wounds that no longer need protecting. That means to me that moving closer to the purpose means moving closer to your true self.
Moving closer to purpose also seems to have a lot to do with balance. Fulfilling your needs is dancing a dance. You stay upright as you change your position. Sometimes you need money. Sometimes you need time and things. Sometimes you need company and chatter. Sometimes you need quiescence and solitude. Sometimes you need movement. Sometimes you need a whole day in bed. Sometimes you need to breathe in. Sometimes you need to breathe out.
That seems to be the shared purpose. To fulfill your needs and let them, and maybe the pain, go once they are fulfilled.
You do this on a small scale.
You need to sleep, and you get up when you have gotten the sleep you needed. You don’t oversleep, and you don’t undersleep.
You need to eat, and you eat a portion that satiates you. You don’t overeat, and you don’t starve yourself.
You need to talk, and so you talk, and you come to a stop when you have said what you need to say. You don’t overshare, and you are not stifled.
And you can do this with larger needs.
You grow up being dominated by your guardian(s). You feel the need for power. You find your ways to empower yourself. You go through a period of calibration, realizing how much power you have. You choose not to use it unless it is urgently needed. You don’t constantly overpower others and you do not submit to those who use their power on you. You help others through the same steps.
You grow up being misunderstood, or not understood at all. You feel the need to be understood. You find your ways to express yourself well, giving others a good chance at understanding you. You practice understanding others. You build friendships where mutual understanding runs deep. You practice understanding yourself. You accept that not everybody will understand you, and maybe even those who are responsible for your original condition will never understand you. You let it go and become free of the need and pain to be understood. You speak freely and bring understanding to others.
And so on.
This is the road to purpose. Dancing with your needs. Finding your balance. Solving your pain. Not overcompensating. Receiving the rewards and sharing them.
Finding the life that is good for you. Make life good for others by helping them walk their own way.
And maybe you will get rich and famous on the way. But only if it’s good for you!
That’s what I did during my quiet time. Identifying and solving needs, bit by bit. Finding tremendous balance. Getting ready to share. Here I am =]
